It’s been rough lately. Technical difficulties which have come close to overwhelming me. Old paranoia arising. I must say that if as indicated by the movie Jacob’s Ladder the demon’s in our lives are our angels sent to bless us with the path to true union, then the computer hackers and those that invent trojans and malware and other nasty things have completed their job in my life.
I have surrendered to the Will of God. My Higher Power graces me with Joy in my heart throughout all trials. And I know that in truth, I am always safe and loved, no matter what.
Last month at my Mom’s 80th birthday I got to hold a grand-niece who was 7 weeks old. Wow. There was a welling up in my heart of such joy and peace that all I could do is smile and hold her, and gaze into her tiny face. I was instantly transported back to the days when my daughters were tiny, those times when I thought I would burst with so much love. Even in the worst of times, Mother love shines like a beacon of joy from one’s heart.
When I went to Hawaii the first time, I went to Kauai. I got to hold a baby there that had been born only an hour before in a forest service hut on stilts. She had been named in the traditional way, and it was proclaimed that she was bringing peace to the world. My heart welled up with joy there too.
My Mom turned 80 this last week. That’s a major milestone, in my book. We had a big party for her in her home town, with lots of family and several friends of hers. A great time was had by all of all ages, from 7 weeks old to over 80. I so enjoyed the whole thing, especially getting to see my Mom and my Aunt and my sisters and getting to hold the newest 7 week old member of the family. That does fill me with extra joy, I’ll say.
So did the trip home. The fall colors were just exploding all over the place. The brilliant golden yellow aspen, the flaming red maples, the big fluffy white clouds stark against the brilliant blue sky: it was eyecandy everywhere. If I had stopped as I wanted to every time I saw a beautiful photograph in the making I would not have gotten home before dark, let alone before 2pm as I had promised. Color like that causes an aching joy in my chest. All of my pores fill up with it. No more is needed. I am complete.
What a perfectly wonderful weekend.
I started seeking deeper knowledge of my life’s purpose when I was about 13. I read Siddartha by Herman Hesse that year: “The only thing of importance to me is being able to love the world, without looking down on it, without hating it and myself – being able to regard it and myself and all beings with love, admiration and reverence.” My Catholic grandma bought me a Buddha statue, and my Mom took me to dance with the bear and the Maidu people.
And so, my eclectic journey on spiritual quest expanded into consciousness. It seemed like there were a lot of hard things in life and I felt this calling to make it better for everyone somehow. My heart was opened, even as I entered the turbulent teenage years immersed in a life fraught with harsh encounters and pitiful choices.
My seeker’s path spiraled through the many years of uncommon life. Somewhere along that sustained course I discovered enduring joy. I observed that even in the depths of despair there is a Source of Joy lurking in my heart of hearts. I learned to lean into the joy with all my faith for sustenance and guidance.
I wish you that tapping into the artesian well of joy in your heart this day, and always. May your life be steeped in it.
OK, so now I am hooked. I have always enjoyed writing – especially poetry. And I absolutely love illustrating my writing, or is it writing for my illustrations? Hmmm.
Anyway, I love doing both. In my experience they are the same. My job is to consciously cooperate as spirit expresses through me, either one way, the other, or both. It is the same joy, certainly. The two have always arrived together for me, like twins.
There was a while there that I would incorporate the writing graphically as part of my drawings. Then when I started combing my prismacolor pencils with the watercolors, the words got relegated to the edge of the paper. My latest combination is a new blog I started: The Daily Napkin. If you feel the urge to take a look, be sure to read the first post that explains how it started, and what the name means.
Anyway, it is joyous indeed.